Tag Archives: abuse

What I Learned from #MeToo

I wrote an article about the conversations that have been happening after #MeToo starting appearing on social media.

Click the link to read what I learned from these conversations. 

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/what-learned-from-metoo

Connections

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I was determined to take some time to catch up on reading for pleasure over the holidays.  I looked at the titles of books I want to read or reread trying to decide what to start today.   I was drawn to a book I “read” last year.  When I first downloaded the book to my Kindle, I didn’t take the time to really read and focus on the book.  I skimmed some and read some.  It wasn’t that the book wasn’t good; it was that the book hit too close to home.   I needed to really invest myself in reading this story.   I decided to start “Peace and Freedom are My Names” by Irene Frances.

I “met” Irene on the internet last year.  I read her blog and knew this was someone I wanted to get to know.  I connected with her in reading that first post and made contact through the blog and facebook.  I was excited to find that she, like I, at our delicate ages were both going to college.  I am doing undergraduate work, while she is attending the Brisbaine School of Theology in her home country of Australia.   I have loved watching her posts about studying Hebrew and taking tests.  She has encouraged me when I felt overwhelmed at times.  You can see her faith and genuineness in her smile.

I also connected with her in other ways.  She is a survivor of an abusive childhood and learned to live with mental health issues, all while maintaining a strong and steadfast faith in God.   We have both had our challenges with religion and church, but God has never given up on us.  Her faith and journey have been an inspiration to me.

As I began to read her book again,  I was reminded in the first paragraphs of the similarities in our stories.  Many facts are different, but the feelings and ways of surviving were much the same.  This passage pulled me in today:  I was a nothing and a nobody.  Nobody wanted me; I didn’t even have my own name. And I was worth nothing.  It was a pitiable start to life of hell and torment that would eventually send me into a pit of madness from which it would take a lifetime to claw my way out.

Nobody wanted me.  I felt that way much of my life.  I didn’t even have my own name.  I was reminded of that just this past week. A while back, I wrote a post about my name being changed a couple times in my childhood.  You can read it here.    My parents named me Carolyn Ann, but at the age of four my grandparents changed it to Cathy (Catherine Ann) when they adopted me.  Just a short time before my mother died, she told me that while my name was Carolyn Ann, but they called me Lynn.   I wasn’t sure if that was true or the imaging of an old woman.   In the blog post above, I shared about finding my old shot records listing my name as Carolyn Ann and (Lynn) listed on one page.   I also realized that I lived in Flat Top, W. Va. at my grandparents farm for a couple of years.

Last weekend, Jan and I were working on genealogy sites when I decided to try something to find an old newspaper article I remembered.  The article was in the newspaper in W. Va.  and featured a picture of my brother and I when I returned to W. Va. to visit when I was 8 years old.  Imagine my surprise, when the article appeared in a site with filmstrip from old newspapers.  I quickly signed up for the week long free trial and printed the article.

I decided to do a bit more searching when I discovered an article from 1952 about a meeting of the Flat Top Farm Women’s Club.  After a brief description of the meeting and food served, the meeting attendees were listed.   I froze when I read these names: Mrs. Grady Keaton (that’s my grandmother), Mrs. Joe Keaton (that’s my mother) and her daughter Lynn.  LYNN…there it was in black and white…proof that my mother’s memory was intact, and that I was indeed called Lynn for the first 3 to 4 years of my life.

This has been on my mind ever since I found the article.  I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t let it go.   And, then I starting reading Irene’s story again.  In her book, she explains changing her name after her marriage.  I am thinking about reclaiming my birth name of Keaton when I finalize my divorce, and  I am now thinking about adding Lynn to that name in  some way.

I know this will not make sense to many of you and that’s OK.   You see, somehow, just seeing that name makes a connection to the childhood that was taken from me.  I now know the truth about many things, in spite of all efforts by some to keep it from me.   JanF. told me that my life was life a huge mosaic puzzle.  I had the easy pieces in place; I had the outer edges.   I would continue to add pieces as they were revealed, and one day I would see one of God’s  most beautiful works of art.  I asked her what piece of art that would be, and she replied, “Why, your life of course. ”

For more information  on Irene Frances and her book available on Amazon, please check out her page on Peace and Freedom are My Names.

How Being Strong Almost Destroyed Me

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I saw this picture/statement on a facebook post from an organization that works with families and individuals facing challenges of mental illness.  Often, we read these simple statements, smile and say, “Oh, isn’t that sweet,” without really thinking about the message.   What I read in this statement is, “Suffer in silence, don’t ask for help, and God forbid, don’t tell anyone!”

I was raised with that philosophy.  Tears and fears indicated lack of faith in God.   Accepting help was a sign of weakness and asking for help was a sign of a failure.  Accepting help made you a slave to the one who gave the help.  In my family, there were definitely strings attached to accepting help and in some cases ropes or chains.

Fighting battles no one knows about was a way of life as a child. I learned to cry in private or not cry at all.  I learned that God didn’t like little girls who were afraid. Adults who abuse children make sure the children don’t tell anyone or ask for help.  Depression, anxiety, fear were all from the devil, so there was no help other than perfect obedience and faith.  Seeking mental health help was admitting that your faith was weak.

I grew up strong…according to the definition in the quote here.  I learned to always put myself last.    I almost died because I was so strong.  I was 35 years old before I learned to ask for help.    Walking into a room of people when you are disheveled, hung over, and smelling like alcohol (not because you were drinking right then, but the smell coming from your pores and breath), and looking at people through squinted red eyes makes it difficult not to ask for help.  Yet, I didn’t ask for help or want help from anyone. A wonderful therapist  and 12 step programs taught me to ask and accept help.   I am 62 now and still find asking or accepting help a challenge.

I also know that friends and family who love and care about you want to help.  It gives them joy and pleasure.  When I offer help to someone, I get so much from the experience.  At the same time, when I offer help to someone and they refuse it, I feel as if they don’t trust me or feel connected enough to accept what I offer.  When I don’t ask for help or refuse to accept help, I do that same thing to others.

PAUSE…I was going to go into a rather lengthy theological and philosophical discussion, however, I think I will leave that to the philosophers and preachers.

The past year has put me in a place where I have needed help.  At times, I reached out and asked for it and in other cases, it was offered without petition.  It is still a challenge to admit that I need help sometimes.  Pride and ego are powerful adversaries.  I am a work in progress.  I do not want to “smile through the pain, cry all alone, and fight in silence.”  I don’t want to be “strong” any more.

Time to Take a Stand

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In 1994, Congress passed the Violence Against Women’s Act. (VAWA) You can find information about the VAWA online if you want to know more about it. Here is one such document. Basically the act provided $1.6 billion to offer community based responses, investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women, allowed civil suits if prosecutors failed to prosecute a case,and established the Office of Violence Against Women.

It was reauthorized in 2000 and in 2005 with some expansion each time. Statistics show that there has been a marked decrease in the rate of intimate partner violence and deaths. More cases are being reported and more victims are being supported in recovery. All states now have laws in place to provide for warrantless arrests,  “rape shield laws”,  laws concerning date rape, and stalking. This act has had a major impact on changing the way violence against women is viewed and handled. In 2011, Congress failed to reauthorize the act.

Here are the reasons the House Republicans oppose the re-authorization of the act.

  1. The act gives limited powers to tribal authorities to prosecute non-Indians accused of assaulting their Indian partners on tribal lands. Currently, non-Indians who batter their spouses often go unpunished because federal authorities don’t have the resources to pursue misdemeanors committed on reservations. **39% of Native American and Native Alaskan women will be abused physically or sexually in their lifetime. Most abusers go prosecuted.
  2. The act would extend the definition of violence against women to include stalking. **Many states have established laws for stalking, but this would now be included in the VAWA definition . Republicans say this “dilutes” the definition. Really?
  3. It would also allow some battered illegal immigrants to claim temporary visas. **It seems this provision is being dropped by Democrats in an attempt to appease the Republicans so this act can pass.
  4. It would include same-sex couples in programs for domestic violence. **Again Republicans say this will “dilute” the focus on domestic violence. I think not passing this act dilutes our ability to protect all victims of domestic violence, but that is just my humble opinion.

Some have gone so far as to imply that the money used for rape crisis centers and domestic abuse hotlines, etc. is really going to support feminist programs. They say this act increases divorce, causes marriages to break up and is set up to cause the hatred of men. If a woman is in a violent marriage then the marriage should break up and divorce is a viable solution. I don’t hate all men. I dont’ hate men at all,  although I will admit I don’t always understand them. I just hate the violence inflicted on women by men.

And, before you go postal and scream that women can perpetrate violence against men, I will concede that you are correct. Men typically have access to more resources to leave and the ability to protect themselves. I dont’ want that debate to get in the way of why we don’t have a VAWA in place after documented evidence that the act saves lives. Also, part of the reason the Republicans are opposing the act is the language inferring that men could be recipients of help from this act. Oh my, that would be just dreadful.

This is my view and my opinion. All I am asking is that you look at the facts. Do some research. Get involved. If you find that the VAWA is valid, and saves lives, and helps your community, your city, your state, and your country, then PLEASE do something about it. Write your congressman/congresswoman. Call them, email them. Do something. Don’t just sit back and say, “All this violence a bad thing.”

We often stand in horror and disgust as we hear stories from other countries of women being mutilated, tortured, and baby girls being killed because baby boys are the only ones of value. Slavery was abolished in our country a long time ago, yet girls are sold into slavery around the world every day. We ask how these other countries can allow such atrocities to occur. Yet, we stand by while our politicians squabble over language in an act that prevents death and violence in our own country.

I am a Christian. Yes, a church attending, praying, Bible reading Christian. I stop just short of wearing the WWJD bracelet. Jesus showed us the way to treat other human beings and that included the women in his life. I dare you to read Luke and not come away seeing Jesus treat women with respect, caring, and love. WWJD-What Would Jesus Do?  I will let you answer that question for yourself. For those of other faiths reading this blog, I challenge you to look into your own beliefs and find answers about these issues.

I don’t believe we can be rid of all violence in our world.  I am not a Pollyanna.  I do believe we can effect change.  We see evidence of that all around us.  I don’t believe the VAWA is going to rid our society of domestic abuse, violence, or rape.  I do believe this act can make a difference.  Yes, I was once a women who lived with abuse.  I lived with child abuse in many forms as a child and as a woman I lived with abuse in my marriage.  I found help and a way to live my life free of violence.  I hope this act will be reauthorized and other women find help as well.

Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.” Sally Koch

My Baby is Turning 40

Teddy as a baby.

How is that possible you ask?  I know-I don’t look a day over 40 myself.  I certainly don’t feel old enough to have a son turning 40 tomorrow.  It was devastating when I turned 40, but this seems even bigger.  His birthday gives me reason to stop and reflect.

I remember finding out I was pregnant.  I was 20 years old and had been married for 2 years.  My husband was very excited about having a new tax deduction.  I was excited and TERRIFIED!  I had no idea how to be a good mother.  I certainly had fine examples of what not to do.

I had a list of things I would never do.  I was not going to be like the people who raised me. I hesitated to call any of them parents.  I lived through abuse of every kind as a child, two sets of alcoholic parents, abandonment, fear, and almost always felt alone in the world.  I wanted to provide my children with love, encourage them to be individuals, support their hopes and dreams, and give them a safe and loving home.

I went to the library and read every book I could find on parenting.  I read about everything from breast-feeding to disciple.  I read about physical care and emotional well-being.  I even had to read about the birthing process.  The only thing I really knew was how to get pregnant.

My son was the most amazing baby.  He slept through the night at 6 weeks.  He wasn’t fussy or colicky. He was usually happy.  He said his first words at 6 months and could sing all of “Take Me Home Country Roads” at 18 months.   He would sneak away from me at the store and head to front desk area.  He would tell the clerk that his parents were missing and ask for candy while he waited for them to find us.  He was outgoing and everyone loved him.

When he was 4 years old, his little sister joined the family.  He has always loved his little sister.  He nick named her “Coochie.”  I have no idea how he decided on that name.  He loved to carry her around and dote on her.

Life didn’t turn out the way I planned.  The effects of my childhood, undiagnosed PTSD, anxiety disorders, and clinical depression took a toll.  My marriage was not a good one and that added to the problems.  I started drinking as a way of escape and trying to find a sense of normalcy.

My children never saw me drink nor saw me drunk.  I hid it well.  I started to make poor choices for my life.  At the end of my marriage I was sleeping on the couch.  My kids came to me and said that my daughter was moving into the room with my son (and his bunk beds) so I could have her room and sleep on a bed. It broke my heart.  I knew I had to make changes. However, I made the wrong changes.  I moved out of the house and tried to be a good mother living apart from them.

I don’t need to share all the details of that time, but my husband filed for divorce and asked for physical custody of the kids.  I was allowed to have them every other weekend and one night a week.  The pain was too much to bear and I used drinking more as a way to escape.  I made another bad choice to move to another state and try to start my life again.  You can run away but you always take yourself and your problems with you. Eventually I found my way into therapy and recovery.

The next years would be very difficult.  Living so far away from my children made healing the relationship a daily struggle.  My daughter did return to live with me but my son did not.  He was in high school and stayed to finish.  We would have highs and lows in our relationship over the next few years.   I know he felt abandoned just as I had so many  years before.

In 12 step programs of recovery, we are taught not to regret the past nor shut the door on it.   We are taught that our past made us who we are today.  My past created a path for my way to a relationship with God that I never had before. I understand those things in my head;  My heart is another story.  Tears still come from time to time when I remember the days of missing my children. I still carry shame and hurt from that time.

My son turns 40 tomorrow and I couldn’t ask for a better relationship with him. He is an amazing husband and father.  He has a strong faith and we share our thoughts and ideas about that. We are able to talk about the past with understanding. He has an amazing wife and is father two of my grandchildren.  They are both a joy in my life.

A few years ago, he gave me the best birthday present I could ever imagined.  He bought tickets for us to go to Charlotte, NC and see the Panthers and Redskins football game.  Of course, he was wearing his Panther’s blue shirt and I was wearing my Redskins’ burgundy and gold shirt.  We stayed overnight and enjoyed the time talking, laughing, and enjoying each other.

This summer we took a day trip to Charlotte to  see the movie premier of “Blue Like Jazz.”  The movie is based on a book by Donald Miller.  We both love the author and book.  These rare moments give us time to talk and continue to grow our relationship.

My son turns 40 tomorrow.  I still call him Teddy.  His big boy friends call him Ted.   I am his Mom and I am allowed to call him anything I want.  He is still that precious baby boy, inquisitive toddler, and bright/gifted little boy to me. He always will be.

Happy Birthday, Teddy!  I love you with all my heart.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I wrote a post about my one of my experiences with Domestic Violence several months ago.  I thought it would be appropriate to share it again.  Here it is.   Walking Down Another Street.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

  • Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
  • Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
  • Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
  • Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
  • Does not want you to work.
  • Controls finances or refuses to share money.
  • Punishes you by withholding affection.
  • Expects you to ask permission.
  • Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
  • Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:

  • Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
  • Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
  • Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
  • Scared you by driving recklessly.
  • Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
  • Forced you to leave your home.
  • Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
  • Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
  • Hurt your children.
  • Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:

  • Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
  • Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
  • Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
  • Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
  • Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
  • Held you down during sex.
  • Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
  • Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
  • Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
  • Ignored your feelings regarding sex.

If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions you may be in an abusive relationship; please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or your local domestic violence center to talk with someone about it.

A Victim’s Choice

One of the things I love about the Olympics is hearing the incredible stories of some of the athlete’s lives.  I have been following the story of Kayla Harrison, who just won the Olympic gold medal for Judo.   Here is a small piece of her story.

Yet winning gold has not been the most difficult challenge of Harrison’s life. When she arrived at Pedro’s training center in 2007, she was an emotionally devastated 16-year-old who had suffered years of sexual abuse by a former coach. She lacked self-esteem, had suicidal thoughts, and hated judo because the sport’s small community whispered about the abuse.

Like many survivors of sexual and physical abuse, she found someone to trust and help her heal from the abuse. She found a champion to help her fight.  Then she found the courage to share her story. In the article she says, “I wanted to tell my story and I wanted to get it out to victims all over the world,” said Harrison, originally from Middletown, Ohio, who first discussed her sexual abuse publicly last fall. “I wanted people to know it was OK. It was definitely therapeutic. The first time I told the story I cried the whole time. It got a little bit easier every time.”

 Social media and the press have shared her story since the Olympics began.  Someone made this comment on a site yesterday, “The key word here is: SURVIVOR… She chose to NOT be a VICTIM!”  I often hear this type of statement when someone shares a story of healing.   It is a statement that while I believe to hold truth, is also a statement of condemnation for someone still struggling with their life.

I had my choices taken away from me the first time someone sexually abused me as a young child.  I had no choice when an adult hit, slapped, or threw me down as a little girl. As the abuse continued, my choices disappeared.  When I was an adult, I only knew what I learned as a child.  I had no defenders.  Those who might have made a difference, made their own choice not to interfere.  I did not CHOOSE to be a victim.  That was a CHOISE someone else made for me as a very little, scared, helpless child.

I didn’t wake up one morning and say, “I think I will be done with this crap and be a survivor.”  Like Kayla, someone came into my life and helped me find a way to heal.  Yes, I had to make the choice to do the work. I had to find the courage to tell my story.  When I was an older child, I tried to tell someone but they didn’t (or chose not to) hear.  The biggest fear is sharing my story is the fear of not being believed.

Today I am a “thriver.”   I am also a victim of childhood sexual, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual abuse.  For me to say, I am not a victim, is to deny what happened to me. I survived.  Surviving means I lived through it and continued to exist; just exist.  Then someone reached out, believed me, saw my pain, and helped me tell my story.  I became a “thriver”.  I started to flourish and grow.  I found support and I found a way to reach out and support others in their journey.

This is my truth and this is how it works for me. If you are finding your way or have already become a “thriver”, find what works for you.   Most of us will never win an Olympic gold medal, but we can fight to reclaim our right to choices.  Today I have the choice to live my life as a “thriver.”

“We can’t control what happened, we can’t control what has been lost. What we can control is how we fight to take that control back, and the voice within us is powerful in doing so….”      Cathy Gipson

Letter Challenge-Dear Parents

Day 3 of the Thirty Day Letter Challenge suggests a letter to “to Parents.”  I asked the question, “which parents?”  My parents split when I was four and I was adopted by grandparents.  I decided to write to my biological parents.  My father died about 14 years ago and my mother died in 2008.   I actually liked them better than my grandparent-parents.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Parents,

I guess you wonder why I addressed this letter to “Dear Parents” instead of “Dear Mom and Dad.”  I never called you Mom or Dad after I was four years old. I avoided calling you anything on the rare occasion that I did see you.  I referred to you as my “real” mother or father when I was older. .   I wasn’t suppose to talk about you to other people. As an adult I referred to you by your first names.  So, for the sake of clarity I will do that here.

I didn’t see either of you very often growing up.  You both had your own lives.  Claudia, you moved back in with us for a short time, but then you left for Chicago and then California.  I didn’t see you at all from the time I was seven until I was 16.  Joe, you moved all over with your wife and five kids.  You visited me from time to time, but it was so random. 

I don’t see the point in rehashing all the old traumas.  You know your own parts and secrets of my life.  In spite of everything that happened,  I still dreamed about you both.  I wanted my Mommy and Daddy and I wanted you to be the “Father Knows Best” parents.  I wanted you to show up and rescue me from my nightmare existence.  Claudia, I know you knew the life I was living.  You knew the people who allowed to be my caretakers.  Joe, you may not have known them as well, but you did know your parents.  You gave my brother to them.   It might have been better if you had given us to strangers.

I had to let go of my anger.  I don’t hate either of you.   “New age” theory says we pick our parents before our soul comes to live in this human form.  If that is true, I wish I knew why I picked you.  Maybe someday it will become clear.  I don’t know.    I only wish there had been more time to get to know you and look into your hearts. 

Cathy  AKA Carol “Lynn” 

South Carolina Governor Stikes Again

Just last month Haley vetoed a bill that would give parents information on the side effects of HPV and how the vaccine could help.  Haley goes a step further this week vetoing half a million dollars slated for domestic violence and sexual assault prevention. You know, because that market is already just flooding with resources.

Haley explained these vetoes in the Department of Health and Environmental Control budget by writing, “Each of these lines attempts to serve a portion of our population for which we extend our sympathy and encouragement, but nevertheless, it is only a small portion of South Carolina’s chronically ill or abused. Overall, these special add-on lines distract from the agency’s broader mission of protecting South Carolina’s public health.”

Mind you, Gov. Haley is the same women who told the ladies of “The View,” while speaking about her opposition to health care reform, that “Women don’t care about contraception.” Yeah, she said that.

According to a statement from the South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence And Assault, the vetoed funding is 37 percent of the budget for rape crisis centers in the state. In 2011, 15 sexual assault programs provided services — a 24-hour hotline, accompaniment to a hospital for a rape kit, counseling — to over 5,000 individuals. Prevention services included education for 50,000 youngsters from elementary school to college.

I hope the House will overturn these vetoes when they return to session.  More importantly I want to ask all of you to remember to vote. Women and other minorities are able to vote because of the sacrifices of many people who came before us. People voted to make Nikki Haley Governor of South Carolina.  Or did all the people who stayed home on election day make her Governor?  Something to think about,  isn’t it?

Five Fabulous Things-Fabulous Blog Ribbon

I am honored to have been chosen as a recipient of the Fabulous Blog Ribbon bestowed upon me by fellow Ultimate Blog Challenge blogger Miss
Riki, creator of Refreshingly Riki. She chose Cathys Voice Now as one of five blogs to honor, and I am thrilled! This award has rules I need to post and follow.

Rules for the Fabulous Blog Award:

1. Thank the blogger who gave it to you and share the link back to the awarding blog.

2. Name 5 fabulous moments in your life.

3. Name 5 things that you love.

4. Name 5 things you hate.

5. Pass the award to 5 deserving bloggers.

5 fabulous moments in my life

1. and 2.  I have to say that the birth of my son Teddy and my daughter Lory were the two most fabulous moments.  They were both born healthy and came with all the proper parts.  Teddy was a sweet, happy baby who slept through the night at six weeks.  He was always happy.  Lory came into the world tell everyone what she wanted and was determined to get it.  She was the cutest thing you ever saw.  Nothing could eve compare to those two moments.

3. and 4. and 5.  This was far too easy.  Grand kids Austin, Sarah, and Nathaniel’s births were the next fabulous moments.    Austin was my first and I lived in the house him when he was born.  Sarah was my first (and only granddaughter).  Almost twelve years later Nathaniel made his entrance.  These were truly fabulous moments.

5 things that you love

1.  You might guess that family is number for me.  Well, my kids and grand kids make up most of my family.  I do have some siblings and they are important as well, but I don’t get to see them often.

2.  Spending time playing, talking, sharing with close friends comes in a close second.   I grew up not having many close friendships, but later in life I discovered the incredible joy they can bring to life.

3.  I love writing as much as love any other activity I can imagine.  Writing gives me a way to work through my emotions, cares and concerns.  It is allows me to share thoughts and experiences with others.   I can make sense of this life with writing.

4. Music is something that can take to me a place of the most joy I can imagine or allow me touch a place of vulnerability.  Music helps me relax, sleep, laugh, play and touch my soul.

5.  I love having faith in a God that loves me unconditionally even when I have no clue what I am doing. A fellow blogger shared this name she has for God-“The Lord of the Five-Millionth Chance Who Never Gives Up On You Even Though You Are Beyond Ridiculous.”  This is what I love.

5 things you hate

1.  I hate vegetables or at least most of them.   I only eat green beans, corn, and any kind of bean. Eating a healthy diet is a challenge with type of hate.  I do have food issues because of some things that occurred in my childhood.  It isn’t that I just don’t like the taste.  I may share that story with you, but not today.  A friend once said that the only green things I eat are green beans and green icing on St. Patrick’s Day.

2.  I hate the I treat myself at times.  I doubt myself, question myself, put myself down, and isolate from people who care about me.  I am working very hard to change those behaviors.  It is much better than it used to be and I think I get stronger all the time.

3.  I hate to see my friends or family hurting.   When someone I care about is in trouble, pain, fear, or anything else that causes them to hurt,  I just want to take it away.  I know I can’t always do that and I I even know it might not be in their best interest to do that. I hate it none the less.

4.  I hate seeing children or animals being hurt.  I feel such intense anger and pain when I read, see, or hear about anyone doing anything to those who don’t have the power to stop them.

5.  Loss is one of the things I hate most.  Grief is one of the most difficult things I ever have to deal with.  Loss involves more than just losing someone by death.  Losing jobs, health, a home, or anything that is important in life causing grief.  It is the cause of most of the fear and pain in y life.

Pass the award to 5 deserving bloggers

These are five bloggers that I love to read and always find something of value in their posts.

1.  Even A Girl Like Me created by Joy Cannis

2.  SimplyJan created by Jan Roberts Culpepper

3.  Ted the Third created by Ted Atchley

4.  Abby Gabbs created by Abby Chamberlain

5. Tamara Out Loud created by Tamara Lunardo

 

Thank you again Miss Riki for this award and I hope my fellow bloggers enjoy this as much as I did.

 

 

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