Curves, slope, variables, reverse casualty, AVC+FC/Q, TC=FC+VC, equilibrium, elasticity, and more. These are a few of the things from the class I started taking a couple of weeks ago. NO-its not a math class. That would be easier. It is Microeconomics and it is a summer, online class. Four months of teaching and learning crammed into four weeks without benefit of a classroom and teacher. Yes, I signed up for this and another class. The other class is going well. I was so excited about getting credits over the summer so I could declare a major in the fall.
The first semester I did so well. It was hard work but I did it and I did it with a 3.72 GPA. This semester I have done the first two assigned chapters (1 and 4). I struggled with the homework and needed online support. Now we are tackling chapters 13 and 14. I had hoped all of the equations and graphs were a fluke from chapter 4 and we would settle into reading and learning definitions and ideas. I found out quickly I was wrong. There are more charts, graphs, and equations. Friday if our first of two exams. I am faced with the dilemma of fighting what I believe is a losing battle or surrendering now and withdrawing. If I withdraw, it won’t affect my GPA. It will just hurt my pride and ego. I have until next Monday to make a decision.
I spent so much of my life being told I was a failure and I believed it. I have tried so many times to go back to school but life, family, work, and lack of money kept me from going back. And then I turned 60 and I could take classes free at several area colleges. However, it still took over a year to find the courage to try it. I have loved every minute of it until now. I still love the challenge and the learning, but I jumped in a bit over my head this time and it is perhaps a lesson I need to learn.
This is my dream and something I have wanted for very many years. I took some big risks to do this. Financially things have not worked out as I had planned. Life rarely goes as I plan and I image most of you would say the same thing. I recently found a great part-time job that allows me flexible hours to attend classes. In October, I will be eligible to start receiving my Social Security benefits. Health insurance is the one thing that threatens to turn my dream into a nightmare. I was able to keep my insurance from my last job but at a very high cost. I am at the point where I can no longer afford to keep that insurance at over $500 a month. I need to find a solution and find it quickly.
I am grateful for the support of family and friends. They have helped me avoid the trap of my old thinking-“I am a failure and everything I do or try to do fails. I should just give up.” I did a lot of praying and talking to friend, family, and even my old therapist before making this decision. I believe I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Every door opened to make this possible. I wrote a post during that time about asking for signs. You can read it here. There were signs everywhere I turned that I told me I was doing the right thing. My friends Jan and Anna brought me a gift they found on a recent trip. It is a magnetic sign that says, “If you’re waiting for a sign, this is it.” Just as I finished this post I got a notification of a blog post by my son. At the end was a list of other recent blogs and the first one was titled, “Never, Ever Give Up, and Finish the Stuff You Started.” Speaking of signs…
It is interesting that the first class to make me give in was an Economics class since it is finances that may stop me in my tracks. In recovery circles, we say, “Don’t give up just moments before the miracle happens.” Maybe there will be a financial miracle that allows me to keep my health insurance for the next few months. Perhaps, I will be able to find a way to get all my medications from the drug company programs. I’m not really counting on these things, although stranger things have happened. I think the biggest miracle of all is that I am not ready to give up. OK, I may give up on Microeconomics as an online summer course, but I am not going to stop fighting for this dream.