The Economics of a Dream

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Curves, slope, variables, reverse casualty, AVC+FC/Q, TC=FC+VC, equilibrium, elasticity, and more. These are a few of the things from the class I started taking a couple of weeks ago. NO-its not a math class. That would be easier. It is Microeconomics and it is a summer, online class. Four months of teaching and learning crammed into four weeks without benefit of a classroom and teacher. Yes, I signed up for this  and another class. The other class is going well.  I was so excited about getting credits over the summer so I could declare a major in the fall.

The first semester I did so well. It was hard work but I did it and I did it with a 3.72 GPA. This semester I have done the first two assigned chapters (1 and 4).  I struggled with the homework and needed online support.  Now we are tackling chapters 13 and 14.  I had hoped all of the equations and graphs were a fluke from chapter 4 and we would settle into reading and learning definitions  and ideas.  I found out quickly I was wrong.  There are more charts, graphs, and equations.  Friday if our first of two exams.  I am faced with the dilemma of fighting what I believe is a losing battle or surrendering now and withdrawing.  If I withdraw, it won’t affect my GPA. It will just hurt my pride and ego.  I have until next Monday to make a decision.

I spent so much of my life being told I was a failure and I believed it. I have tried so many times to go back to school but life, family, work, and lack of money kept me from going back. And then I turned 60 and I could take classes free at several area colleges.  However, it still took over a year to find the courage to try it. I have loved every minute of it until now. I still love the challenge and the learning, but  I jumped in a bit over my head this time and it is perhaps a lesson I need to learn.

This is my dream and something I have wanted for very many years. I took some big risks to do this. Financially things have not worked out as I had planned. Life rarely goes as I plan and I image most of you would say the same thing. I recently found a great part-time job that allows me flexible hours to attend classes. In October, I will be eligible to start receiving my Social Security benefits. Health insurance is the one thing that threatens to turn my dream into a nightmare. I was able to keep my insurance from my last job but at a very high cost.  I am at the point where I can no longer afford to keep that insurance at over $500 a month.  I need to find a solution and find it quickly.

I am grateful for the  support of family and friends. They have helped me avoid the trap of my old thinking-“I am a failure and everything I do or try to do fails. I should just give up.”  I did a lot of praying and talking to friend, family, and even my old therapist before making this decision. I believe I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Every door opened to make this possible.  I wrote a post during that time about asking for signs.  You can read it here.    There were signs everywhere I turned that I told me I was doing the right thing.  My friends Jan and Anna brought me a gift they found on a recent trip.  It is a magnetic sign that says, “If you’re waiting for a sign, this is it.” Just as I finished this post I got a notification of a blog post by my son.  At the end was a list of other recent blogs and the first one was titled, “Never, Ever Give Up, and Finish the Stuff You Started.”   Speaking of signs…

It is interesting that the first class to make me give in was an Economics class since it is finances that may stop me in my tracks.  In recovery circles, we say, “Don’t give up just moments before the miracle happens.”   Maybe there will be a financial miracle that allows me to keep my health insurance for the next few months.  Perhaps, I will be able to find a way to get all my medications from the drug company programs.  I’m not really counting on these things, although stranger things have happened.  I think the biggest miracle of all is that I am not ready to give up.   OK, I may give up on Microeconomics as an online summer course, but I am not going to stop fighting for this dream.

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4 responses

  1. Money, and learning (or re-learning) how to do more with less, is a class that seems to drag on and on forever, and maybe we never get to graduate that class. If we’re lucky, we get to do extra credit, and manage to squeak by without it inflicting too much damage on our quality of life.

    When I transitioned from the corporate world to a small business environment, I went through a huge learning curve, and there were days I thought I would never manage to make the adjustment. Eventually I found my way, and settled in to that reality for about eight years. Then, just when I thought I had things more or less figured out, life threw me another curve ball, and I was put in a position to have to transition from the small business environment to learning how to live on a medical disability income. The task seemed impossible. Frighteningly impossible.

    But here it is about two years later, and I’ve managed to get by. Not in the way I had envisioned, and not without a few bumps as I moved down the road. I’m still trying to solve the question of health insurance, and I’m still asking myself what the future holds for me, but while I’m asking those questions, I’m keeping my eyes open for the signs that will point me to where I need to be headed.

    Don’t give up on finding your answers. Maybe ending one pursuit will just leave you open to finding something that better suits your new direction. If Microeconomics is a thorn in your side, and you have to remove it before it causes lasting damage, then do what feels right for you, and let the rest of it fall into place one piece at a time. Hang in there, and don’t give up on your dreams. As a fellow traveler in the school of life, my hope for you is nothing but success, even if that means having to abandon one direction, in favor of another. Just keep dreaming, and keep moving.

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    1. Thank you. It is always encouraging to hear from other “travelers.”

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  2. Microeconomics online in 4 weeks? Who could possibly do that?
    Don’t give up, Cathy! I believe you can do anything you set your mind to.

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    1. Thanks Robin. I’ll let you know how it goes!

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