Day 3 of the Thirty Day Letter Challenge suggests a letter to “to Parents.” I asked the question, “which parents?” My parents split when I was four and I was adopted by grandparents. I decided to write to my biological parents. My father died about 14 years ago and my mother died in 2008. I actually liked them better than my grandparent-parents.
I guess you wonder why I addressed this letter to “Dear Parents” instead of “Dear Mom and Dad.” I never called you Mom or Dad after I was four years old. I avoided calling you anything on the rare occasion that I did see you. I referred to you as my “real” mother or father when I was older. . I wasn’t suppose to talk about you to other people. As an adult I referred to you by your first names. So, for the sake of clarity I will do that here.
I didn’t see either of you very often growing up. You both had your own lives. Claudia, you moved back in with us for a short time, but then you left for Chicago and then California. I didn’t see you at all from the time I was seven until I was 16. Joe, you moved all over with your wife and five kids. You visited me from time to time, but it was so random.
I don’t see the point in rehashing all the old traumas. You know your own parts and secrets of my life. In spite of everything that happened, I still dreamed about you both. I wanted my Mommy and Daddy and I wanted you to be the “Father Knows Best” parents. I wanted you to show up and rescue me from my nightmare existence. Claudia, I know you knew the life I was living. You knew the people who allowed to be my caretakers. Joe, you may not have known them as well, but you did know your parents. You gave my brother to them. It might have been better if you had given us to strangers.
I had to let go of my anger. I don’t hate either of you. “New age” theory says we pick our parents before our soul comes to live in this human form. If that is true, I wish I knew why I picked you. Maybe someday it will become clear. I don’t know. I only wish there had been more time to get to know you and look into your hearts.
Cathy AKA Carol “Lynn”