An Inside Out Day

Everything today has seems out of  sync. Yesterday was such a great day.  A meeting at work was cancelled allowing me to go to lunch with a friend.  I was able to make some positive plans about some things happening in my life.  Last night was a time with a friend and some play time with kids.  After a very stressful week, it was a nice reprieve.

This morning it seemed as if someone had turned everything inside out. I won’t bore you with a lot of details but waking up late and a car that wouldn’t start were just the beginning.  Later in the day I had an emotional breakdown.  I am not allowed to talk about some of the things going on right now.   I have only a couple of people who know my situation and I feel that I am leaning on them so much.  I am so grateful for their support.  I talked with two friends who live in other states that I haven’t seen in a long time.  I realized just how much I miss them.  Plans for a night away were washed away by thunderstorms.

In the middle of all my chaos, the news was filled with the tragedy in Colorado.  I read about the events in a couple of news articles.  The events were all over facebook and Twitter so hard to escape.  The first blog post I was read was from Jan at simpyjan.  She quoted a blog by Janet Oberholtzer.  Janet shared some of the things people should never say when someone has experienced a loss.  She asks the questions, “Any other suggestions of things to say or not to say?”

A few people apologized for feeling bad or upset about events in their own lives after such a tragedy.  Others stated that none of us should feel  bad about our trivial problems after something like this.   Trivializing our own pain and grief in life doesn’t change it.  Our feelings are what they are.  My pain doesn’t go away because someone else has pain or loss.

Please know that I understand the grief when someone dies.  There is nothing like the kind of pain and sorrow that brings.  I lost three very important people in my life in one year and there were days I didn’t think I could go on.  The tragedy of the events that occurred are overwhelming and incomprehensible.   However, that doesn’t mean that feeling bad after a day like today is wrong.   No one should be told their problems and pain in life is trivial.

“Catastrophes or tragedies like this, or natural disasters  create a collective sense of responsibility or loss, and individuals often have a hard time shutting it out,” says Sharon Chirban,PhD.  People react in different ways to disasters and traumatic events. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to think, feel, or respond. Be tolerant of your own reactions and feelings, as well as the reactions and feelings of others. Don’t tell yourself (or anyone else) what you should be thinking, feeling, or doing.”

My heart goes out to the community in Colorado.  Another blog post Jan shared today was by Rachel Held Evans.  It is a simple prayer, “Wrap them in the worn quilt of your compassion.”   No more need really be said.


Our thoughts are with the loved ones of victims & survivors of the mass shooting in Aurora, Colorado. Incidents of violence such as this can lead to emotional distress such as overwhelming anxiety, anger, confusion and fear (including in children and teens). Those who have struggled to recover from past traumatic events may also be at risk if painful memories are triggered. The Disaster Distress Helpline (a program of SAMHSA) is available for support: call us 24/7 toll-free at 1-800-985-5990 or text ‘TalkWithUs’ to 66746; calls and texts are answered by trained, caring counselors from call centers across the U.S.

9 responses

  1. Inside out. Upside down. And generally yuck. The gorgeous double rainbow reminded me, though, that even after a total washout, there is hope.


    1. I thought about that when you posted that picture. Hope is an amazing thing. Thank you for sharing the picture and reminding me. 🙂


  2. Cathy, thank you so much for the follow. I’m following your blog as well now – you are a brave and amazing woman. Thank you for sharing your recovery story!


    1. Thank you. I am looking forward to reading more from you as well.


  3. Cathy,
    I really appreciate how you put it into perspective. We should be aware that others are suffering and experiencing pain and loss to varying degrees and have empathy and compassion for them. But it does not make us selfish to offer ourselves the same caring, empathy, and compassion when we are experiencing pain and difficulty of our own. We just need to be wise and careful about who we choose to share it with and how it is shared. Thank you for posting the resource information as well..



    1. Thank Kina and look forward to reading more of your blog.


  4. You are so, so right, Cathy. Minimizing our own difficulties or stuffing our feelings isn’t healthy for us and it sure doesn’t change anything for the folks in Aurora.
    I’m so sorry you have so much going on. I hope it all gets better soon.


  5. What an incredible metaphor: “Wrap them in the warm quilt of your compassion.” Thank you for an excellent and compassionate blog.


  6. I just wanted to stop by and thank you for following my blog! I hope I continue to write things that you find interesting. 🙂


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