My Possible Life

SOPHIA Summit by David Heyward  http://www.nakedpastor.com/

“I’m here to be me, which is taking a great deal longer than I had hoped.”    ― Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

Something is happening.  It’s something big.  There are moments I want to run out into the street and scream to the world around me, “Look.  I figured it out.  I know what I am supposed to be doing with this life of mine.  Don’t you want me to tell you about it?”  Then there are the moments when the real world crashes in and says, “You can’t do that.  You don’t have time, energy, or the courage.  Who do you think you are fooling?”

But, it is happening in spite of the daily challenges of life and in spite of the critic who lives in my head.  I made a decision in January to make a change.  It was more than a New Year’s resolution.  I was never very good at keeping those.  The decision was to give up fear and doubt and grab hold of the power and strength I knew was there.  It was almost like “giving the finger” to critics, faultfinders, and censors (internally and externally). I had no idea how to do it, but I was determined.  I asked God to show me the way determined that I would hop, skip, jump, trudge, hike, march or do whatever it took to make it.

Thing started happening at a rapid fire pace.  Doors opened and opportunities presented themselves.   People came into my life who were exactly who I needed.  Everywhere I turned, I heard the words “voice, clarity, wisdom, courage, power, and purpose.”   At the same time, opposing forces were coming at me.  Major changes in my job and home life tried to take me off track.  Something is different now.  I will not let them stop me.

A new friend came into my life.  She is a writer, a single mother, a pastor, and one of the “wise women” I know.  She would probably argue the last point.  She shares my love for writing and searching for our truth.  I have found new friendships online as well.  I have found inspiration and encouragement from other women writers while sharing blogs and writing adventures.

Last week I was able to attend a writing workshop/retreat at Montreat in the mountains near Asheville, NC.  One of the women I had been sharing with online was at the retreat.  We discovered more about each other and similarities in our lives.  I met some talented and passionate women while there.  We shared our lives and our writing in a sacred circle.  I shared a blog post during the retreat where I said that I keep hearing the same thing everywhere I turn: Be authentic and use your “voice.”

I recently made the decision to work with a life coach. No, this isn’t therapy.  I have had two amazing therapists in my life and did powerful work with both.  I was drawn to her from the first time I saw her information months ago.  Last night we began a four-week virtual online group with several women.  The group is “Your Possible Life” group.  Again, the words clarity, wisdom, power, courage, and voice were clear in our group discussion.   (You can find out more about Kathy Murphy, PhD on her website http://kathymurphyphd.com/.

I made a commitment to the group last night.  I stated that I am going to say YES to sharing my voice, to writing, to my health (including continuing my karate class), and to finding my “wise woman”.  I am going to say NO to the fear, the critic, the doubter, and to things that detract from my goals.  I made a commitment to share all of this in my blog.

Will I stumble along the way?  I probably will. I’ve had sixty years of holding back.  I spent years being told I had no wisdom, no voice, and no power or if I did have those things, they were certainly evil.  Good girls or proper Godly women knew their place and didn’t question it.  I spent a number of years hiding behind alcohol and drugs. In a blog post I am 1in 4, I shared my challenges with bipolar, depression and anxiety.  I know I will need support when I stumble.  I know I need to learn to ask for that help.  Should you see me lying in a puddle on the side of the road, please offer me a hand.

I have been taking baby steps along the way to come to this place today where I am ready to leap tall buildings in a single bound.   Somebody please bring me my leotards and cape.  I just realized I am referencing Superman while writing about powerful and wise women.  Let’s try something different.

 A new journey to be started.

A new promise to be fulfilled.

A new page to be written.

Go forth unto this waiting world with pen in hand, all you young scribes,

the open book awaits.

Be creative.

Be adventurous.

Be original.

 “Wonder Woman” series #62 by George Perez

8 responses

  1. If anyone can do this, it’s you, Cathy. You’re taking some wonderfully powerful steps right now. I got goosebumps reading this post. I’m with you every step of the way. If you ever need a hand, you know where to find me!

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  2. Cathy – I had a belly laugh at that wonderful quote. For a depressed woman that is saying something. Yes! I was so encouraged about saying no to the naysayers the nitpickers the mean. I am so glad for you and I hope I will join you soon. Love you!

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    1. So glad you were able to laugh. It is truly good for the soul. I hope you will join me as well. All things in their own time.

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  3. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I felt like I wrote those words about my own life (except you write so beautifully). Please continue to share the answers as you find them. Life is an open book test just most of us don’t read the book.

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    1. Thank you so much for those comments. I love connecting with people along the way who are finding their way as well.

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    2. Bethzare voiced what I am feeling. Something is afoot in my life.

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  4. I stand in awe as I watch your journey unfold. It’s a privilege to be able to share parts of it with you!

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  5. All I have to say is “I hear you!” I am thrilled you are part of our Thursday night group….

    Like

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