I am 1 in 4

May is  Mental Health Awareness Month.  It was created in 1949 to raise awareness of mental health conditions and mental wellness for all.  One in four adults has a diagnosable mental health condition like depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress or substance abuse. Some aspects of our culture are “toxic,” and the health and lives of all Americans are at serious risk. Who’s your 1 in 4? Mental Health America believes that everyone must understand the importance of practicing whole wellness—wellness of mind, body, and spirit—and seeking treatment when needed. –Mental Health America

I am 1 in 4.  It is still easier for me to say that I am a recovering alcoholic and addict than it is to tell you I have a mental health condition.  I would almost rather admit to being a cat burglar.  Even in our more enlightened time, mental illness still carries a huge stigma.   A friend who works for our local mental health department says, “I wish we could put a huge band aid on the fore head of people with mental illness. Maybe than people would really understand it is an illness.”

I have heard people say there is no real test for mental illness.  It is all just something a psychiatrist or therapist labels you.  I want to take a moment to explain those “labels” to you.  Mental health practitioners make a diagnosis based on the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th. Edition).  The manual is published by the American Psychiatric Association and covers all mental health disorders for both children and adults.  There is another manual called ICD (International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems.)  Both manuals contain very strict, complicated, and definitive guidelines for diagnosing.

I was 36 years old when I received my first diagnoses (plural for diagnosis). It should have happened years before.  There were several reasons for the delay. Mental illness wasn’t as treatable as it is now.  Most people were afraid of being sent to a mental hospital.  Doctor’s weren’t as knowledgeable as they are now.   I also grew up in a household where mental illness was a taboo subject.  My grandmother sent my great grandmother to the state mental hospital.  They told her she was going for a ride in the country and then lied to everyone about where she was.   That is what happened to people who didn’t behave properly.  She also felt that mental problems were from the devil.  They were perhaps even punishment for a lack of faith and bad behavior.

When I was in my early twenties, I told my doctor some of the things going on in my life.  He smiled.  He said it was just my nerves. He said “all us women” didn’t cope well with stress and pressure.  He gave me a prescription for Valium.  Then he gave me another prescription. And then another. This went on for a couple of years.  Valium was actually one of the worst things he could have given me.  It was my first “drug” addiction.

As I told you, I have several diagnoses.  My first was “Alcohol Dependence”   That code is 303.90 in case you were wondering.  There was also 304.10 (drug dependence for short). They didn’t come first in my life but were my first diagnoses. You can’t get to the problem when you are covering it with alcohol and drugs.  I also have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and Panic Disorder.  I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder),  BiPolar II,  Clinical Depression (which is actually covered in BiPolar II), and PTSD.  I have another but I’m still not able willing to share that.

Wow, that looks like I must be a total mess.  Truth is that I WAS a total mess. I don’t have time share all of that here but let me assure you, my life was a mess.  Medication and therapy have changed my life.  I can’t make these things go away.  I live with them.  I make adjustments.  Most friends learn the hard way not to come up behind me without warning.  I don’t know who jumps higher, me or them.  It really isn’t any different from someone with diabetes.  They watch their sugar, they exercise, they check their sugar levels, and do whatever treatment it is that allows them to lead a normal life.

The old question comes up about nature and nurture.  Did my genetics cause all of this?  I am sure it contributed to it.  Was it the way I was raised?  Not exactly, but childhood trauma and abuse does contribute or cause some of this.   Scientists and doctors are learning more all the time about our brains and the way they work or don’t work.

Why am I telling you all of this?  We need everyone’s help.  Here are ways you can help.

  1. Fight The Stigma.  Learn the truth about Mental Health.  Often the media portrays people with mental illness in an untruthful, unflattering, and hurtful way.  You can help set the record straight.  Having mental illness doesn’t make you a serial killer.  If you want to find out more you can read or watch movies that portray mental illness realistically.   Don’t assume movies like Sybil, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Silence of the Lambs are typical or realistic.   One of the best is A Beautiful Mind- The true story of Nobel Prize Winner John Nash and schizophrenia is told in this award-winning film.    An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness by Kay Redfield Jamison deals with bi polar disorder.  They Call Me Anna is the story of Patty Duke and her struggle with mental illness.   Sites like NAMI http://www.nami.org/ or Mental Health America  http://www.nmha.org/  will give you realistic information.
  2. Please don’t tell me (or others) these things:  “Cheer Up, it will be OK”.  “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”  “You are so strong-you don’t really need that medication do you?”   “Oh come on, we all get down sometimes.”  “You have so much going for you. How can you be depressed?”   “There is nothing to be scared of or worried about.”   “Just eat healthy food and exercise!”  ‘It’s not really that bad, is it?”  “Everyone has problems.”    If you want to understand, ask me and be willing to hear what I have to say.
  3. Continue to push for Mental Health legislation.  The Mental Health Parity Act was a great step but some insurance companies are finding creative ways to try to get around it.

So there you have it.  I have an illness that affects my brain.  My serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine are all out of whack.  My reuptake receptors don’t function right.  My prefrontal cortex didn’t develop normally and I had poorly integrated cerebral hemispheres. (Those two are attributed to abuse.)    But I am still me.  I am the person you hang out with, call or text, chat with online, work with, play with, and pray with.  I am a mother, grandmother, wife, and friend. I hold a more than full time job.   I have been blessed with two wonderful therapists in my lifetime and have found the proper medications that work to keep me in balance.  I have an amazing family and group of friends that support me.   I am a child of God.  He made me and He loves.   How can you argue with that?

20 responses

  1. Irene Frances | Reply

    Hi Cathy, Congratulations on sharing something of your journey. It is not easy – even in these so-called enlightened days (as you mention) – to ‘come out’. I carried the stigma of my journey for years, but at last I am owning it – almost proudly. I learned so much along the way, met God in the utter dark depths of despair and hopelessness – and found Him to be so much more awesomely wonderful than I’d ever known before – and have come through to a place of peace and freedom. Bless you – as you continue to touch lives with God’s love and goodness. Irene.


    1. Thanks for sharing your journey as well. I found a lot of power in writing and sharing. I love finding people like you along the way.


  2. […] didn’t question it.  I spent a number of years hiding behind alcohol and drugs. In a blog post I am 1in 4, I shared my challenges with bipolar, depression and anxiety.  I know I will need support when I […]


  3. You’re amazing, Cathy. I struggle with some of the things on your “list” as well, and it can be debilitating, especially because there isn’t a bandaid or a crutch I can haul out to let people know I just don’t feel well sometimes. ((Hugs))


    1. Thanks. I have a set of crutches. I could give you one and we feel like letting people know how we feel we can use one..to walk or hit. LOL


      1. LOL!😀 Happy Mother’s Day, Cathy!


      2. Thank you!!!!!!! :) You make me smile!


  4. Hi, Cathy. Swinging by from She Writes. Another 1-in-4 here. Kudos to you for raging agains the stigma. I do the same on my blog. Stop by for a visit.


    1. Great. Thanks so much.


  5. […] I am 1 in 4 (cathysvoicenow.wordpress.com) […]


  6. I’ve been reading blogs on my phone a lot lately and have been going nuts because for some reason I can’t get the comments to work from my phone. I’m finally on my computer and am catching up on commenting on these awesome posts you’ve been putting up this week. There is so much honesty, acceptance, and courage in your voice these days. I am keeping this post starred because I have a feeling there will be opportunities for me to share it with others who aren’t quite as far along the journey as you are. Thank you!


  7. I found you through She Writes. Great blog and post as well. I also blog about mental health, menopause and assorted ramblings.


    1. Great. I look forward to reading your blog. Thanks for the comment.


  8. […] I am 1 in 4 (cathysvoicenow.wordpress.com) […]


  9. Cathy, this breathtaking and very brave. I so admire your courage.


    1. Thanks Robin…:)


  10. […] were more important than anything else was.  Not feeling was the best feeling in the world.  In another blog, I wrote about my challenges with some mental health issues.  I didn’t know what was wrong with […]


  11. […] Cathys Voice Now […]


  12. […] I struggled to get passing grades.  My teachers labeled me an underachiever.  The teachers said I was very smart and the standardized testing proved them right.   They said all I needed to do was apply myself.  As an adult, I would discover the underlying problems that attributed to this dilemma, however at the time I didn’t understand. (You can read more about that here.) […]


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