I found the miracle cure for weight loss. And I found it while reading a blog, of course. It is the Tapeworm Diet. No, I am not kidding. There is a Tapeworm Diet; and yes, it involves a real Tapeworm. Here is the information I found on Healthy Weight Forum.org about this “diet”:
“So what does a tapeworm in your gut actually do? It secretes proteins in our intestinal tract that make our digestion of food much less efficient. A less efficient digestive systems means that you can consume more calories through your food since your “body guest” is also noshing on them for his own growth purposes. Some scientists estimate that those infected with a single tapeworm can lose up to one or two pounds each week.”
Extreme? Maybe, but is it anymore extreme than allowing a surgeon to place a big rubber band around your stomach or cut out part of your intestines? What about giving up sugar and carbs totally? I would call that insane. We could say it is easier than running triathlons, jogging miles every day, or spending your life and fortune in a gym. Unfortunately possessing tapeworms is illegal in the United States and unavailable as a legitimate treatment for weight loss.
Look at those people on the Biggest Loser reality TV show. I have always wanted to live at the ranch and train with Jillian. They leave their lives, families, and jobs to go to the campus and live with strangers, show their layers of fat (emphasized by tight spandex) to the entire TV viewing world, and have two obsessed trainers beat them to death every day.
I wonder if any of you reading this understand how desperately many of us want to lose weight and change our lives. We have bad knees, bad backs, high blood pressure, diabetes, and many other health issues caused by weight. We look at the clothes in the store and then have to go to the “other” stores that sell fat clothes. Oh, wait, sorry, I meant Plus Size. I dream of the day I can fit into a size 16, while other friends are mortified it they hit a size 14.
Many of us have tried the most popular solutions that have passed our way-Atkins, Sugar Busters, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, diet pills, Jazzercise, Aerobics, and more. I looked online for “fat camps or fat rehabs.” They do exist, but not in my price range. One week at a well known “weight loss spa resort” in Hilton Head costs $3400 for a 10 day stay. They recommend 21 days at a special rate of $6900. The truth is that I would gladly pay that and more if it would work.
You may be scratching your head and thinking what about good old fashion calorie counting and exercise. Sure it works. Absolutely. The problem is maintaining that for a lifetime. I have written about my eating disorder or food addiction–the “cravings’, the obsession”, the inability to stop once you start. I can’t eat ONE doughnut. I can’t even imagine why someone would eat just one. I often wonder why they make little bags for one or two doughnuts at Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kreme?
I continue to make progress and lose weight. It is a slow and tedious process. There are many times of frustration and disappointment. There are also victories and lessons learned along the way. This is a life journey. It is much more than changing just the way you eat. I think I will keep working towards my goal and wait just a bit longer before I find that tapeworm.