I was so glad March was finally over. Over the years, March has been a time of a number of losses in my life. April always seem to bring a new sense of well-being and hope. This year seemed no different. April started with a great weekend. I began looking forward to celebrating my “non belly button” birthday in another week. I started planning days at the beach, the lake, and the water park.
But, today began with news that someone I care about had been taken to ICU and the prognosis was not good. The family was called to come to the hospital. Miss Doris has worked on my staff for the past three years. She is 80 plus and until recently been very active and in fairly good health. She is the Grandmother figure to several of us. I had to break the news to my staff and others at the office.
The news caught me off guard. Tears broke through all the guards I have in place. I suddenly felt overwhelmed by feelings of other losses. I tried to focus on work I needed to do without much success. I put a rather angry post on my facebook. I decided to go for a walk. The small café in town center is often a refuge from a crazy day. I thought I would sit and collect my thoughts. As I approached the front door, the sign saying they were closed for the day was cause for a few hearty four letter words and telling God I was less than pleased with Him. I managed to get through the day and decided to go to the gym.
I have the gift of being able to block out everything around me at times. I climbed on the elliptical and as I began, a sense of peace came over me. Before I go on, I want you to understand that my relationship with God and Jesus is one in progress. It may seem unusual to some and sacrilegious to others. I no longer question it. It is ingrained in every fiber of my being. In my blog last week (A Dog’s Thoughts on Recovery) I talked about wondering why I didn’t have the same relationship with God and Jesus others seem to have.
My gym is Planet Fitness. You may remember a commercial with a very large muscular man walking around saying, “I lift things up and put them down.” As I was on the elliptical blocking out everyone around me, I saw God walking up to me in the gym with huge muscular arms and telling me to let it all go. He would lift up the pain, anger, confusion, and doubt and put it down somewhere out of my reach. I smiled at the image but acknowledge His request and gave it to Him. I slowed down, got off the elliptical and sat on the one of the benches in the back for a minute.
There is no magic here. Life didn’t suddenly become a happily ever after fairy tale. But something happened in that brief encounter. Today I received a moment of Grace at the gym.